I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
