my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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