your parents love me but you hate me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
