just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
