I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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