Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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