Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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