Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
