we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
