worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
