he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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