Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
