Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
