I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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