the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
