Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
3pm strippers are depressing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito