K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am naked and annoyed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
