Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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  (503): My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night. http://tfl.nu/xdrw
  Replies (19) Good night (678) Bad night (4542)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

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  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6755) Bad night (1290)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

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  (302): I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years. http://tfl.nu/sw0p
  Replies (4) Good night (849) Bad night (3396)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.

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  (740): It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex. http://tfl.nu/8qyg
  Replies (18) Good night (1047) Bad night (4767)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.

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  (201): Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory. http://tfl.nu/a6d4
  Replies (4) Good night (2266) Bad night (1233)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.

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  (303): No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck. http://tfl.nu/2tgn
  Replies (7) Good night (2033) Bad night (841)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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  (814): I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls? http://tfl.nu/unf7
  Replies (8) Good night (1694) Bad night (734)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?

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  (303): There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain? http://tfl.nu/ibwj
  Replies (7) Good night (1006) Bad night (631)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?

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  (419): He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that? http://tfl.nu/13e2
  Replies (11) Good night (595) Bad night (1247)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.

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  (832): I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob. http://tfl.nu/r18w
  Replies (5) Good night (1608) Bad night (500)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

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  (360): I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this. http://tfl.nu/abfh
  Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (512)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.

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  (250): Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles. http://tfl.nu/jjec
  Replies (6) Good night (1494) Bad night (578)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".

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  (401): Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans". http://tfl.nu/re7n
  Replies (6) Good night (363) Bad night (970)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You were supposed to behave this weekend.

  (1+61): View more from

  But... naked.

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  (+61): You were supposed to behave this weekend. (1+61): But... naked. http://tfl.nu/grfl
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (261)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood

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  (787): Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/bkre
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (334)

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