Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

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(760): have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive http://tfl.nu/u0dx

Replies (55) Good night (4595) Bad night (758)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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(678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job. http://tfl.nu/y0of

Replies (13) Good night (1044) Bad night (3396)
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(303): View more from Colorado

My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.

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(303): My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks. http://tfl.nu/ug5h

Replies (16) Good night (1899) Bad night (3505)
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(520): View more from Arizona

my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

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(520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg

Replies (14) Good night (4640) Bad night (1478)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

(904): View more from Florida

FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

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(614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing. (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift http://tfl.nu/ws8p

Replies (18) Good night (7832) Bad night (1289)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again

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(314): Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again http://tfl.nu/jwo1

Replies (19) Good night (5720) Bad night (1363)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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(540): Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh. http://tfl.nu/suhk

Replies (15) Good night (6150) Bad night (1101)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers

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(606): All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers http://tfl.nu/uhar

Replies (14) Good night (3874) Bad night (1343)
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(850): View more from Florida

If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.

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(850): If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me. http://tfl.nu/s2pe

Replies (20) Good night (1611) Bad night (5014)
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(303): View more from Colorado

How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

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(303): How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head? http://tfl.nu/wek5

Replies (5) Good night (2020) Bad night (822)
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(914): View more from New York

All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

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(914): All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore. http://tfl.nu/ai56

Replies (6) Good night (3147) Bad night (744)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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(+44): Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome! http://tfl.nu/jhr8

Replies (2) Good night (2061) Bad night (541)
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(229): View more from Georgia

I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.

(1-229): View more from Georgia

I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.

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(229): I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier. (1-229): I feel like I got ass raped in the brain. http://tfl.nu/l1ue

Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (692)
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(956): View more from Texas

Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

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(956): Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . . http://tfl.nu/ha2v

Replies (11) Good night (650) Bad night (1526)
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(330): View more from Ohio

You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex

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(330): You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex http://tfl.nu/5nsy

Replies (1) Good night (383) Bad night (201)

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