Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

  (408): View more from California

  we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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  (202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh
  Replies (21) Good night (693) Bad night (1582)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.

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  (604): Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum. http://tfl.nu/jh54
  Replies (13) Good night (613) Bad night (806)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

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  (520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c
  Replies (35) Good night (5752) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska

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  (570): cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska http://tfl.nu/incr
  Replies (67) Good night (755) Bad night (3990)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

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  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (5331) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

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  (201): I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number. http://tfl.nu/78e6
  Replies (28) Good night (5074) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.

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  (915): I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something. http://tfl.nu/u0v6
  Replies (5) Good night (3107) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.

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  (619): Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this. http://tfl.nu/9259
  Replies (13) Good night (1752) Bad night (1314)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.

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  (517): But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/ir44
  Replies (7) Good night (3313) Bad night (817)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.

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  (425): I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking. http://tfl.nu/k8z0
  Replies (4) Good night (1984) Bad night (509)
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  (626): View more from California

  Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.

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  (626): Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter. http://tfl.nu/7qar
  Replies (7) Good night (1241) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.

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  (603): No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized. http://tfl.nu/mdx3
  Replies (10) Good night (374) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa

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  (240): Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa http://tfl.nu/w8sz
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Did you at least offer to let him get it out??

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  (901): I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment. (662): Did you at least offer to let him get it out?? http://tfl.nu/gv0l
  Replies (4) Good night (797) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"

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  (408): I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat" http://tfl.nu/81wz
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (242)

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