I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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