Come see our sink grown plant.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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