what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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