Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
