Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
