I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
