Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
