You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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