I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
