It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
