Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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