Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
