problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
