Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
