he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
