She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She bit a glass in half.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
