Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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