your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
