My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
