In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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