I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
