This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
