It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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