sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
