just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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