I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
