So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he laminated a picture of his dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
