so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
