I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
