I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
