Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
