I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
