you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
