I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
