Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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