i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
