Your tits are I can't wait for
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
