roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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