Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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