all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
