Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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