its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
