sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this will be a night to untag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
