he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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