I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
