I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
