you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
