Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
