yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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