I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
