I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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