I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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