stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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