from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
