Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
