In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
