FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
